little-chrysanthemum

He stops suddenly, and as he stands there in the darkness, facing you, something feels off, but you can’t place it, He feels… cold, you don’t know how to explain it, everything looks normal, but somehow, he feels cold. “Dude?” You say, expecting him to say something, or to move, laughing as he surprises you, but you get no response, You point the light on your space suit at him, illuminating his suit against the pitch blackness beyond him that light refuses to cut, The inside of his suit pitch black, appearing to be empty, your friend gone, as if he was never there to begin with. You stand there in silence, surrounded by darkness, somehow knowing that if you move, you’ll meet the same fate. Copyright Little-chrysanthemum, 6-29-22, fin 12 am

鳥居 ------------ This path leads up to where Kami live, Follow the stairs, walk under the torii, Further up we go, on a path once followed, The stairs overgrown with green, reclaimed by nature, The once beautiful shrine decaying, abandoned. Fill the mossy, dry, chōzuya with fresh water, You must pay your respects properly. Rinse your left hand, rinse your right, finish the ritual, The Kami stand beside you, watching in secret, It’s been so long since they’ve seen anyone here. Ring the bell, offer goen, finish your prayer, It is now time to go. Walk back down the mossy steps carefully, Bow when you leave the Torii, a thank you to the Kami for letting you visit. Walk the path ahead, down the mountain, the Kami watching as you go. June-6-21 1-2 AM •Little-Chrysanthemum You are not permitted to use or share this in any way shape or form.

It affects me too, though indirectly, The thought that It could have all ended that night, I have to process that too, I have to understand it. I have to be alone in this, come to terms with it on my own, I can’t involve anyone, can’t talk to anyone, I have to figure out how to live with this on my own. And right now, all I can do is just play it over in my head, Theres no moving on, there’s no forgetting it, And, understanding? That’s the last thing I think I’ll be able to do. 11-25-20 9:41 PM